I'm going on a mission of self- discovery and find that I don't really know where to start. I have learned that you can work on your marriage by working on yourself. You need to take time to soul search and basically find serenity. Every time I think of finding myself I usually roll my eyes because I'm always reminded of the Kashi commercials and their "natural" ingredients. I am gonna try meditating because I stress too much and I usually feel like a coke can that's left in the freezer for too long and it bursts. But anyway I've felt so lost for a real long time now and I've finally realized that I need to find myself before I love others around me. I want to laugh again. I want to be fun and want people to enjoy what I have to offer. I have grown so used to no one caring that I'm in this set mentality to not give anything and to just receive. Its unfair and its selfish to demand so much from my spouse and my family and friends. I just didn't realize what I was doing until now and that it is unacceptable.
I've found a pretty good website called marriage.family.com and it gives a list of blogs by subject on marriage and it really has enlightened me on what I lack. My husband is good at communicating even if its something I don't want to hear but he tells me these things cause he knows its for my own good. When I was younger I found it really awesome to write blogs and found that its something I still enjoy.
So on the first day of my self-discovery, I am going to try meditating with some soft music and think about the things that I say I enjoy and think about whether I still like those things now and why. My husband constantly reminds me that I change my mind over everything. For instance the other day we were in the car and I said that I liked the new song by Carly Rae Jepsen and Owl City and he was confused because I apparently told him I didn't like it a while back. I have the worst memory on the planet and my mind changes so much on a whim its insane. I also need to work on my memory and get it up to par. No, I haven't done any crazy drugs or anything, I just multi -tasked so much it has fried my brain its probably because I just don't think about what I say. But anyway I'm gonna work on my meditating now.
My mood: extremely courageous
Previous PostsDiscovering myself, posted November 24th, 2012
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